Denver means confusion

In Denver I was confused.  unnamed

I took my Dad to the airport and drove back to my friend’s house in Lakewood.  I was so excited to be there, but it was also cold and frigid like the photo above.  I couldn’t go anywhere- I was stuck inside with my thoughts.

My friend’s daughter kept me occupied with her sweet little voice and she shy ways.  She would keep her distance all day, but ask for me by name each morning.  I didn’t know how she felt about me, but loved spending the time with her and her parents.

I didn’t know what was next for me, so I imagined moving to Denver and starting a new life there.  It could be great.  There are so many amazing coffee shops, artists, music venues, and good people.  I liked the church we went to on Sunday, and I started applying to jobs in Colorado and some in California.  I spent hours re-vamping my website and concentrating on finding “that” job.

“Are you moving to Colorado, Annie,” they’d ask.

“If I find a good job, I will.”

I had told them I was going to move to Denver a few times before.  I wanted to, but I never did.  I didn’t want to move anywhere and not have a job waiting for me.  For some reason that was so important.  I think, I was really looking to a clear direction.  I didn’t want to move anywhere without a plan.  And I didn’t know what I wanted that plan to be.

I was around my friends a lot in Denver, but that’s where I felt the most alone.

Their light and love carried me through those two weeks.  I was happy to be around them, playing music and laughing.  I prayed every morning and I won’t say I wasn’t happy.  I was just confused.

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